i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
