when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Randomize
