I'll bet she douches with gravy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
