i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
