At least make sure they are 18
Why
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
