after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This house was built for laser tag.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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