After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
