If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
