xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
