So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize