She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
how drunk are you?
Several
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
