ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize