the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
