I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
