we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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