so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
