and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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