so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
