dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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