I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Semen is not good for contacts.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
