if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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