I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
