i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
