She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
