i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
