my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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