I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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