Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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