What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
