watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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