so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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