so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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