I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
