I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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