New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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