didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
