Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize