I hate your face
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
