something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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