Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
