Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
