Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
