I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
