Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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