We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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