All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All the doctor said was why
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
