Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
