I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
