I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
