(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
