I am puke
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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