I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
