I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
