Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
