what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my shit smells like andre
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
