fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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