Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
