In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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