Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
