I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
