Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
