we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
