420 ftw
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
