there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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