I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
