I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
