I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
