nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it's like iHOP with fire
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
