yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
