i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize