Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
